Deadpan Snarker
by HoussemWritingStories
Summary: When Gumball's sarcasm becomes a little too aggressive, Darwin and Anais have to deal with it by helping their older sibling to follow a list of steps to lessen it.


**Hello again! Today, I got a new one-shot for y'all! Enjoy...**

**Edit: This ain't a one-shot no more. Check out the A/N at the end for explanation.**

One morning, the Watterson siblings were having breakfast.

Darwin and Anais were already at the table. Their older brother however, was still upstairs.

"Darwin, are you sure he's coming down?". Anais asked impatiently.

"Yeah, he should be. He can never make it through the day without having breakfast, even if it is a Saturday today". Darwin replied.

She nodded in understanding. The two finished setting up.

A few seconds later, Gumball made his way down, looking somewhat gloomier than usual.

His brother and sister took notice, but soon shrugged it off as nothing out-of-the-ordinary.

"Good morning, dude". Darwin greeted.

"Good morning". Anais added.

"Yeah, sure". Gumball dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

Again, the fish and the rabbit made eye contact, confused by the cat's behavior.

They decided to inquire about it.

"Gumball, are you feeling okay?". Anais asked.

"You look like you didn't have a good night's sleep". Darwin added.

Gumball fixated his eyes on the two before responding.

"Yeah, I never felt better in my life". He replied. Something seemed off about the way he said it.

They weren't entirely convinced.

"Hey Darwin, mind handing me the cereal?". Gumball requested.

"Sure thing, man". The former grabbed the cereal box and outstretched his fin to give it to the cat.

But as he did so, he failed to realize that Gumball was a little too far and out of his reach.

And then it happened.

The box fell out of Darwin's fin and its contents spilled all over the floor.

A nervous expression displayed itself on Darwin's face, and Anais was surprised.

Gumball though, seemed indifferent but slightly annoyed at the same time.

As he kept looking down, he spoke with a dead, monotone voice.

"Nice one. That's exactly where I wanted it".

Then, he bent over and picked up the box. Thankfully, there was some cereal left.

"Well, you managed to spill most of it". Gumball quipped.

At this point, Darwin and Anais were getting a bit ticked off.

Darwin made a mistake and one sarcastic comment is enough, but Gumball was really going overboard.

The latter didn't notice his siblings and simply kept eating breakfast. The two decided to follow suit.

A few seconds of silence merely passed, and the final straw came.

"I think it picked it up some dirty friends when it reached the ground". Gumball's flat voice reached Darwin's and Anais' ears.

Tired of his attitude, they simply got up and stormed off.

The blue cat paid them no attention as he continued munching.

Upstairs in the trio's room, Darwin and Anais were talking.

"What's with him today?". Anais questioned.

"I know, right? Usually, he only uses one Gumballism per situation". Darwin noted.

"Gumballism?". The rabbit was confused.

"You know, when he says unnecessary mean things like: your face looks like a cat trying to claw its way out of a melon". He explained.

"You mean sarcasm?". She asked, unimpressed.

"You get the idea". Darwin corresponded.

"But today, it's like his sarcasm level skyrocketed to space". Anais said.

"Well, what are we gonna do about it?". Darwin inquired.

"We gotta get him to stop it, or at least lessen it". She answered.

"Okay, how do we start?". The fish asked again.

"Since we're no professionals and we don't know any, the Internet would be what we need". The rabbit replied.

"Cool, let's do it". Darwin said.

They went to the computer then and spent the entirety of the morning writing down ways to stop being sarcastic.

The afternoon came around when they finished.

After having lunch, the two started putting their plan into action.

They went up to Gumball, who was watching the television.

"Gumball, we need to talk". Anais started, firmly.

"What is it?". He asked rudely, without bothering to look at the two.

"Dude, we noticed you were a little too aggressive this morning. You need to stop the Gumballisms". Darwin explained.

The cat turned off the TV and looked back at them.

"Yeah, cause things went smoothly last time I did that". Gumball kept that deadpan tone.

At that, Anais turned to Darwin with a questioning look on her face.

"I'll tell you another time". He simply stated.

Satisfied with the answer, she turned her attention back to the blue feline.

"Come on Gumball, this is important". Anais tried to convince him, but he didn't budge.

"Okay, maybe not stop it but the least you could try is to lessen it". Darwin said.

That seemed to do the trick.

"Okay, fine then". Gumball said with a huff.

"Great, let's go upstairs and get started". Anais declared, and they did as said.

In the kids' bedroom, Anais sat on the computer chair and Darwin stood in the middle against the wall while Gumball installed himself on the bottom bunk bed, facing his sister.

"Okay Gumball, we're gonna start with why you should be doing this so you won't complain afterwards. Alright?". She demanded.

"Uh-huh". He replied, coming off as a bit evasive. The rabbit chose to ignore it.

"Using sarcasm excessively can make a person seem disingenuous, passive aggressive, and callous". She stopped there and looked up in expectation at the cat.

Gumball understood, so he nodded.

Anais looked back to the paper she held, took a small breath and resumed.

"Often times it is used when a person feels angry, distrustful, or frustrated, but cannot find the courage to directly speak about". Anais paused again and checked for Gumball's reaction. If she was being honest, she was a bit hesitant to include this part as it may trigger Gumball and harm his self-esteem and potentially worsen the situation.

To her surprise and Darwin's, Gumball nodded in understanding. Maybe these were accurate, and he was being honest with himself.

That's some progress...

Then, she read the final sentence in the intro.

"It can be a difficult habit to break if you speak sarcasm like a second language, but it's not impossible with a few helpful tips and tricks". Anais concluded.

"And we're gonna help you go through the steps and see how it turns out". Darwin said.

Gumball got off the bed and stretched a bit.

"Yeah, okay. I'm in". He said with assent.

"Great!". The fish declared.

"Let's see how well this'll go". Gumball thought to himself bitterly.

"Okay, so they're divided to 3 parts". Anais said.

"And part 1 is..."

**Hey guys...this is kinda awkward, heh. You see, this was supposed to be a one-shot but it decided to be a two-shot but whatevs, I'll do it anyways. See you guys in Chapter 2! Oh and another thing, I'm gonna have to credit WikiHow cause that's where I got the intro that Anais read and also where I'll get the parts and steps in the next chapter.**

**This is the page: **** Stop-Being-Sarcastic**

**Anyway, thanks for reading! Don't forget to fav, review and follow this story to get notified when Chapter 2 is out and also fav and follow me to get notified whenever I publish something new! Thanks again and bye!**


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